Hi

You can set the column header styles like so:

this.UltraWebGrid1.DisplayLayout.HeaderStyleDefault.BackColor = Color.DarkOrange;
this.UltraWebGrid1.DisplayLayout.HeaderStyleDefault.ForeColor = Color.Khaki;
this.UltraWebGrid1.DisplayLayout.HeaderStyleDefault.Font.Bold = true;
this.UltraWebGrid1.DisplayLayout.HeaderStyleDefault.Font.Name = "Elephant";

For more information please refer to the following online help article:
http://help.infragistics.com/Help/NetAdvantage/NET/2008.3/CLR2.0/html/WebGrid_Changing_the_Appearance_of_Columns.html

You can change BackColor on selected rows like so:
this.UltraWebGrid1.DisplayLayout.SelectedRowStyleDefault.BackColor = Color.Red;

For more information please refer to the following online help article:
http://help.infragistics.com/Help/NetAdvantage/NET/2008.3/CLR2.0/html/WebGrid_Work_with_Selected_Rows.html

Other help articles that might help you are:

http://help.infragistics.com/Help/NetAdvantage/NET/2008.3/CLR2.0/html/WebGrid_Changing_the_Appearance_of_Cells.html

http://help.infragistics.com/Help/NetAdvantage/NET/2008.3/CLR2.0/html/WebGrid_Using_Styles_to_Change_WebGrids_Appearance.html

http://help.infragistics.com/Help/NetAdvantage/NET/2008.3/CLR2.0/html/WebGrid_Changing_WebGrids_Format_through_Code.html

I am not sure what you mean by commandBar, please elaborate on this and I will be happy to help you.