There are no role states defined for the inactive state. You can submit a feature request for this here: http://devcenter.infragistics.com/Protected/RequestFeature.aspx.

You can also try to work around the issue by setting an appearance for the Normal state and then setting the Active (or Selected) state appearance so it looks like the tabs did before you changed anything. Then the Normal state appearance will only be applied to inactive tabs.

As for your second questions, setting the appearance on individual tabs is not possible with styling. The purpose of styling is to make global changes in the appearance of an application. Changes to individual things should be done in code or the Forms designer in VS.